Born to Lose
by PeachyLana
Summary: Season 2. Andrea struggles with her growing disconnect from the group.


Don't own any of it.

**Born to Lose**

The sound of the chickens clucking offered more comfort than Andrea could ever imagine. She leaned on the fence, but her eyes stared through the birds as they pecked the ground. The coop on the Greene farm was a nice one, like most things there. For a second, you could pretend that things were normal and maybe it was all a bad dream.

She needed to preoccupy herself from the thoughts that fought so hard to surface. Someone walked up beside her and Andrea sighed inwardly. Every interaction she had with another person ended badly. Did Lori have more guilt to throw at her? They kicked her out of the house, maybe now Hershel wanted her completely off his land.

"Hey."

The young male voice wasn't recognizable, so she turned her head to see a kid she noticed around the farm a bit. She honestly didn't remember his name or if he was even related to Hershel. He saw the lack of familiarity in her eyes.

"It's Jimmy," he said with a small smile. "I know, we barely met."

Andrea squared her shoulders defensively. Now she remembered Beth's boyfriend. The whole debacle with the suicidal teen resulted with the entire family hating her.

"What?"

Her clipped words and intimidating glare created a slightly fearful look in Jimmy's eyes.

He took a deep breath. "I know what you were trying to do…for Beth."

She snorted bitterly. The fucking kid got it more than her so called "friends".

Hershel and Maggie eyed her from the front porch.

"Good to know." She didn't hide her sarcasm, pushed off the fence, and walked away.

Problem, there was nowhere to go. Rick refused her of watch duty ever since the Daryl incident. Lori sure as fuck hated her as much as the Greene's. Daryl surely has her name on his shit list after nearly killing him. She didn't belong there; didn't belong fucking anywhere. A few months ago that would have put her over the edge. The CDC seemed like it was years ago. She thought about leaving; maybe Shane had a point with wanting to move on.

She passed the meadow and walked into the tree line, moving around a large maple's trunk when suddenly an arrow pointed in her face.

"What the fuck are you doing out here?" Daryl glared at her and lowered his weapon. "Almost shot your stupid ass. Would've served you right too." He spit at the ground and waited for her to retreat.

Anger radiated off of him and Andrea figured out why as her eyes dipped lower. His hands bloodied hands and shirt clued her in. He got finished beating the fuck out of that kid in the barn again. Doing Rick's dirty work, as usual.

"Well? You gonna just stare at me or you have somethin' to say?" He sneered.

She shrugged. What the hell was she going to say? That Lori resented her for not helping with women's work? That she kicked out of the house and almost let a young girl kill herself? That she wasn't allowed to even keep watch anymore? _Why would he fucking care?_ She walked past him instead.

There was a short pause, then she heard it.

"Sorry." He muttered.

Andrea looked at him strangely. The low way he said it gave her chills and didn't fit for an apology for talking to her like a dick. He didn't seem comfortable looking her in the eyes.

"About Dale."

Andrea sucked in a harsh breath of air; the suddenness that the tears sprang to her eyes hit her like a Mack truck. Why did Daryl have to say his damn name? She struggled to hold it together just to get away from him before she fell to pieces, but failed miserably. Daryl made no move toward her, and she didn't expect him too, relieved he kept his distance. She sniffed and tried to quickly wipe away the tears, but she broke down crying like a child. She forced herself to look him back in the eyes.

"Thank you…for ending it for him," Andrea's voice cracked, but he need to know she cared. It couldn't have been easy.

Daryl's anger died down. His face mirrored her exhaustion, and weariness set in his eyes. "No reason to thank me. Just did what had to be done." He glanced down at his worn hand.

Andrea refused to stand there and bawl in front of him, she turned and began her way back. But he put a hand on her shoulder stopping her steps.

He gave her shoulder a small squeeze. "I know firsthand you'd do the favor of putting me down if it happened. You've got better aim now too."

She sputtered out a small laugh mixed with her tears, and looked over her at him. His eyes were sad and tired, no matter the quirk in his lips. She wanted to tell him she was sorry about Sophia, but knew it would only cause more anger and grief.

"You'll come after me if I get left behind?" Andrea asked swallowing hard and rubbing her eyes with her sleeve.

Daryl's fingers clenched deeper into her wool lined vest. "No one's getting left behind."

She bit her tongue unable to speak; her legs weak and on the verge of falling to the ground.

Daryl took a breath, parted his lips about to say something, but stopped last minute. He held on to her shaking shoulder in silence for a few seconds longer before letting her go.

Andrea trekked back in the dark. _Get a fucking grip!_ She internally screamed. No Dale or Amy, and most of the group treated her like an outcast. So utterly fucking alone.

Her grief turned temporarily into irrational jealously of Daryl's ability to push it down. To keep carrying on, because he fucking had to. Andrea set her jaw as she walked. She could do it too. She _had_ to fucking do it, because she wanted to _live_.

Andrea steeled herself and opened the RV door. The smell of Dale's cologne ingrained in the walls hit her immediately.

Daryl couldn't tell Andrea that he owed it to Rick. That pulling the trigger on that little girl he tirelessly fought to find needed payback. But looking back Daryl would have chosen putting down Sophia over Dale in a heartbeat. Sophia was dead. Dale was still fucking alive, dying a painful death. He didn't want to volunteer, but fuck he couldn't let Rick take that one too. The old man's eyes seconds before he pulled the trigger haunted him and probably will for a long time.

He looked down at his raw knuckles and cursed. Daryl didn't think about what did in the barn; didn't allow himself to. But now suddenly shit was off, and thinking too fucking much. The motherfucking guilt started to eat at him; guilt from fucking everything. Even the lost look in Andrea's eyes, no wonder she warmed up to Shane. At least Shane offered guidance while everyone else pushed her away.

The abrupt pounding on the thin metal RV door jarred Andrea from her sobbing. She hastily dried her reddened eyes. "Great fucking timing," she hissed, knowing how terrible she looked and couldn't fake it. She swung the door open, surprised to see what stood in front of her.

Daryl appeared equally shocked at his own standing there. His eyes looked anywhere but on her. "Mind if I sleep on the floor? Gettin' too damn cold."

She traveled with this man for over a year. That was a fucking lie.

"Um, yeah," her stuffed up nose clouded her voice. Confusion still encompassed her face, but she stepped back letting him in.

Daryl sat on the narrow strip of floor where he once slept before, but Andrea stopped him. "You can sleep over there," she pointed to a cramped cubby hole of a bed. "Glenn hasn't been sleeping here…for the past few days."

Daryl grunted and fell into the bed, before she finished her sentence and immediately rolled over away from her. "Thanks."

She looked at his back for a second, then went to the larger bed in the back and curled up. The urge to cry dissipated, but she grasped the pillow and hugged it close. Andrea finally closed her eyes. Daryl didn't have to be there, but he was. Andrea exhaled a long breath that she didn't realize she held. Andrea had Daryl. She wasn't alone.

* * *

So this came to be thanks to Buster's Jezebel. She mentioned Jimmy, Andrea, and chickens. This scenario popped into my head. I recently re-watched some season 3 and the scene with Merle and Andrea talking about being left behind. It just broke my heart.


End file.
